PSYCHOLOGICAL
CONFLICT
Still
for all of this, my mind was not at ease; spending quality time in
the privacy of his bedroom was probably not the best way forward
since the closer we got, the more physical our demands! We wanted to
be locked in each others' arms so as to be entwined for ever and
ever. Even the closeness of our breath in utter silence told its own
story -how intimate can we get? Day or night made no difference. At
times we went too far and this was beginning to worry me. Mingled
with all of this I couldn't help feeling strands of gratitude
welling-up inside my body. Up till this time, NOBODY
HAD EVER MADE ME FEEL LOVED AND WANTED LIKE THIS MAN!
WHAT
AM I DOING WITH AN UNSAVED MAN?
As a Christian this is the question I was lumbered with? What is this
doing for my status within the church community? At the time I was
resident at the home of a church sister, surely there must have been
times when she became concerned about my absence especially if I
happened to be sleeping over? What of my commitment to values upheld
by the church? My difficulties in engaging Roger on any level of
discussion to do with Bible or religion was another source of worry
-could I get him to listen? No way, he'd just change the subject at
random. So now I was torn with the decision to let go of this man and
come clean -easily said than done!
Given
that my childhood years had been besieged by a catalogue of harsh
treatments, why did a loving God allow such abuse to befall me? Day
after day I wrestled with these thoughts because I wasn't willing to
walk away from a man who gave me as much nurturing as to make me feel
wanted and loved; after all ROGER
WAS MY FIRST LOVE!
It was hard for me to give him up just for the sake of conscience. As
a Christian girl, I thought perhaps I should have had the good sense
to balance both church and love life. But then I was only fooling
myself: Roger was as stubborn as an ox, he wasn't going to walk with
me on any Christian path.
